Dear Adam,
I haven't won an Oscar in a long time. I've tried everything. I'm a really good actor, and I've been in a LOT of really good movies. What does a guy have to do to get a third statuette? I'd appreciate whatever advice you could give me. Thanks,
T. Hanks (yeah, I know, my first initial and last name spell "Thanks." Brilliant observation, Advice Guy. Sheesh.)
Tom,
Whoa, dude, back off on the parenthetical sarcasm. I'm here to help. The reason you aren't getting a chance to pull any acceptance speeches out of your tuxedo jacket is simple: you've become predictable. You keep making these mega-popular, critically acclaimed movies. If you want to say hello to Oscar one more time, you've got to take the role no one is expecting (or even wanting) you to make:
Turner and Hooch II. Seriously, Tom, that movie is 15 years overdue.
You're welcome.
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I always thought it would be great to run an advice column where people with all sorts of problems come to me for solutions . . . but until everyone who dissatisfies me begins asking my opinion, I'll have to be proactive.
1 comment:
How about more action with Joe and the Volcano? I think we're all looking for that. What about a movie he takes some Ambien in Seattle, or miraculously beats aids in the city of brotherly love and then goes on to become a skinny white boxing legend who beats Apollo Creed? We can call it HIV TKO. Sweet.
M
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